honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
