Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
