There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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