alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
