Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
