she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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