I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
