yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
