Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In other news, I just burned my penis
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dicks are not precious.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
