We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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