You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize