How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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