You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
