I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
