She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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