I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
