Barsexuality is the new black.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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