The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
