I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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