Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
