ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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