hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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