you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
