the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
