if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
