i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
