I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
