just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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