I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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