fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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