physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
