too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
