I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
