I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
