This girl is more easily done than said...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Girls should come with a carfax report
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
