I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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