Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
