Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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