my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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