She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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