My first STD was from a foam party
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
