I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
