Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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