I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
