We're facebook friends in real life
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A+ Viking dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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