You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
