The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I skipped work to stalk him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
