I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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