im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just had sex on a roof
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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