Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize