dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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