Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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