I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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