Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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