my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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