He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
