Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
