oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
