I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
