I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
