If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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