but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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