i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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