the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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