it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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