then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
