Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
