Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
