Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
