That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
