Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
