If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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