dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
