if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can't put those talents on a resume
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
