I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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