This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
