I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
