Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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