i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
