tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
