you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
