Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
3 2 1 whiskey
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
