am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
