i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
