Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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