Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
