out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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