I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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