my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
