Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
