I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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