He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
one might say we're banned from that church
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
